need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
