its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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