she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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