just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
