They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
