I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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