idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
