just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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