Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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