During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
