I'm jealous of your bromance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
