Are we in a gay sports bar?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
