woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
