There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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