he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize