I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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