Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
