never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
