I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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