So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
