omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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