how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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