People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
