i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
