Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
