Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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