shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
