I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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