I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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