just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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