the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
