If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
