the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
