Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
