guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
