He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
