i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
