im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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