drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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