Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
