I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize