Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
