Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
