So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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