I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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