I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
