Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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