Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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