What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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