Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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