I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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