U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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