I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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