You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
