Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
