Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
