So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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