i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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