I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
