I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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