You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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