WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
