Just mADE A PArabola og urine
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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