I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
