i would punch a child for taco bell
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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