U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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