I wish my penis had an off switch
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
