Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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