end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
