so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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