is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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