I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shame - the story of my life.
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